Laughing at global warming
Laughing at global warming
I know, it's terrible. But with things getting so stupid on Parliament Hill, how can anyone help it?By Lorrie Goldstein
I'm sorry. I know global warming is a serious subject, particularly with the release of the latest report of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).
But at some point in many big stories, mass hysteria takes over and the subject, no matter how serious, "jumps the shark" as they say on TV.
For me, that moment happened last week while reading a story in the Globe and Mail and coming across this hilarious nugget.
"As Conservative MPs emerged from their weekly caucus meeting in Ottawa, reporters asked whether they believe that increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming. Most refused to answer the question directly."
Good gawd! Has it come to this? Are not just global warming "deniers," as Stephane Dion calls them, but mere global warming "refusers to answer the question directly" to be hunted down, as we once did witches?
Just for fun, let's imagine I was one of those MPs, confronted by the media mob.
Media mob: "Mr. Goldstein, do you believe that increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming?"
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Media mob: "You heard the question, do you believe it?"
Me: "You're not serious."
Media mob: "You better believe we are."
Me (Sigh): "Okay, get your tapes rolling. Ready? Here we go ... You ask me if I believe increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming. I will go even further. I will state categorically that greenhouse gases cause global warming. If greenhouse gases did not cause global warming, we would all be dead, having frozen to death. The reason we have not, is called the 'greenhouse effect'. If any of you kept your Grade 8 science textbooks, look it up.
"Now, I presume that what you would have asked me, if any of you knew what you were talking about, is whether I believe man-made greenhouse gas emissions caused primarily by the burning of fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas, and by deliberate deforestation, are causing a significant increase in carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases in the Earth's atmosphere, and an attendant increase in the earth's temperature, that cannot be explained by natural causes.
"The answer is I do not know. I am not a scientist. But I accept the IPCC's conclusion that the earth is warming and that it is "very likely" -- at least a 90% certainty -- that human activity is the cause.
"However, I am also aware, as a layman, that there is a great deal of debate within the scientific community on how quickly this is happening, on how dramatically it will impact on the world's climate and on what we should do about it, which is where I come in as a policy maker.
"I trust scientists to continue their dispassionate investigations of these issues, employing the professional scepticism you people think is a dirty word, but is in fact a fundamental part of what is known as the 'scientific method'.
"Again, if any of you still have your Grade 8 science textbooks, look it up.
"Finally, responsible scientists are not the people screaming in our ears that we're all going to die from the weather in a few years, that the evil western nations and all of us living in them who caused this must be punished, and that anyone who disagrees with them is a climate change 'denier,' the implication being that they are little better than someone who denies the Holocaust -- an absurd, unjust and morally revolting comparison.
Won't be intimidated
"This is where science has been hijacked by radical ideology and media hype and I will not let it -- or you -- intimidate me into making rash statements or decisions about an issue that is so important, not only to my constituents and their descendants, but to all of us who live on Earth.
"One final thing. Please, look up 'carbon dioxide' in your Grade 8 science textbooks, so that you will understand how essential it is to all life on Earth. Then, look up 'carbon-based life forms' and try to find one. This will not be as hard as it sounds. Trust me. And now, ladies and gentlemen of the media, kindly GET THE !@?!@$ OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!"
Media mob: "Burn the witch! Burn the witch!!"
I know, it's terrible. But with things getting so stupid on Parliament Hill, how can anyone help it?By Lorrie Goldstein
I'm sorry. I know global warming is a serious subject, particularly with the release of the latest report of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).
But at some point in many big stories, mass hysteria takes over and the subject, no matter how serious, "jumps the shark" as they say on TV.
For me, that moment happened last week while reading a story in the Globe and Mail and coming across this hilarious nugget.
"As Conservative MPs emerged from their weekly caucus meeting in Ottawa, reporters asked whether they believe that increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming. Most refused to answer the question directly."
Good gawd! Has it come to this? Are not just global warming "deniers," as Stephane Dion calls them, but mere global warming "refusers to answer the question directly" to be hunted down, as we once did witches?
Just for fun, let's imagine I was one of those MPs, confronted by the media mob.
Media mob: "Mr. Goldstein, do you believe that increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming?"
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Media mob: "You heard the question, do you believe it?"
Me: "You're not serious."
Media mob: "You better believe we are."
Me (Sigh): "Okay, get your tapes rolling. Ready? Here we go ... You ask me if I believe increasing levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere are causing global warming. I will go even further. I will state categorically that greenhouse gases cause global warming. If greenhouse gases did not cause global warming, we would all be dead, having frozen to death. The reason we have not, is called the 'greenhouse effect'. If any of you kept your Grade 8 science textbooks, look it up.
"Now, I presume that what you would have asked me, if any of you knew what you were talking about, is whether I believe man-made greenhouse gas emissions caused primarily by the burning of fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas, and by deliberate deforestation, are causing a significant increase in carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases in the Earth's atmosphere, and an attendant increase in the earth's temperature, that cannot be explained by natural causes.
"The answer is I do not know. I am not a scientist. But I accept the IPCC's conclusion that the earth is warming and that it is "very likely" -- at least a 90% certainty -- that human activity is the cause.
"However, I am also aware, as a layman, that there is a great deal of debate within the scientific community on how quickly this is happening, on how dramatically it will impact on the world's climate and on what we should do about it, which is where I come in as a policy maker.
"I trust scientists to continue their dispassionate investigations of these issues, employing the professional scepticism you people think is a dirty word, but is in fact a fundamental part of what is known as the 'scientific method'.
"Again, if any of you still have your Grade 8 science textbooks, look it up.
"Finally, responsible scientists are not the people screaming in our ears that we're all going to die from the weather in a few years, that the evil western nations and all of us living in them who caused this must be punished, and that anyone who disagrees with them is a climate change 'denier,' the implication being that they are little better than someone who denies the Holocaust -- an absurd, unjust and morally revolting comparison.
Won't be intimidated
"This is where science has been hijacked by radical ideology and media hype and I will not let it -- or you -- intimidate me into making rash statements or decisions about an issue that is so important, not only to my constituents and their descendants, but to all of us who live on Earth.
"One final thing. Please, look up 'carbon dioxide' in your Grade 8 science textbooks, so that you will understand how essential it is to all life on Earth. Then, look up 'carbon-based life forms' and try to find one. This will not be as hard as it sounds. Trust me. And now, ladies and gentlemen of the media, kindly GET THE !@?!@$ OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!"
Media mob: "Burn the witch! Burn the witch!!"
posted by Gerry Surtees at Monday, February 05, 2007
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home